Im not Strong, I am TIRED!
I have seen the quote in many different forms at many different times but especially around International Woman’s Day (why we only get a day baffles me, but that is another soapbox for another time). The quote starts out “Strong women, May we…” Only this year it didn’t hold the same weight as it has before. I don’t want to be called a “strong black woman” anymore. I AM TIRED. I don’t even want to be considered independent. The underlying connotation under all these labels is that I/ we/ it doesn’t need help. When you think of something or someone who is strong or super or independent you don’t typically associate them with the act of coming to their aid. You don’t typically associate them with needing community or a safe space. As much as I may appear to be, I am not perpetually tough or indestructible. Yes, I am resilient in the fact that I can face racism, sexism, and other isms on a daily basis and I still have my mind and health intact (for now.). However, the anticipation of and dealing with microaggressions regularly is a significant stressor. I may present as strong but only because society has forced me to. I may be independent, but not necessarily because I want to be. I was taught to push through and endure difficult situations with a stoic face because the world does not afford me the luxury of showing signs of weakness. I am a highly sensitive being and I absorb emotions and feelings deeply. For my black parents who came of age in the ’60s, a sensitive black girl like me was headed for unnecessary struggle and trauma. So I was taught to endure and not to let others see me cry. That lesson resulted in me shutting down and hiding all of my emotions. I am not asking that I be described as weak either. I am asking that I, a black woman, be seen and known as human. I want to be seen as the complex individual that I am. I want to be allowed physical and emotional vulnerability. I want to be able to express disagreement and an opinion without being called angry. I want to be allowed to be the complex human that I am. Resilient, strong, independent, vulnerable, carried and cared for. I want to be able to let my tears flow freely. I am tired of feeling like my emotions and tears are a weakness. I want to be able to be so passionate about a topic that when I talk about it I can be moved to tears and not be afraid the expression of my emotions will cause the message to go unheard. Contrary to what society says, I do need help and I am not ashamed to admit that. I depend on my community. I heal and grow in the context of my community. I need authenticity, transparency, and vulnerability—all the things that have not previously been afforded the Black woman.
Healing and Growth Happen in the Context of Community!
