Awaken

Sometimes intense emotions make me extremely uncomfortable.  The presence of tears, voices raised one decibel too high, the sight of veins popping out will all send my heart racing and my breathing becomes shallow.  For some reason, my brain begins to tell my body that the environment has become unsafe.  I used to think that it was because I did not understand emotions and that I was terrible at processing them but I realize now that quite the opposite is true.  Emotions are difficult for me because I connect so deeply and love so hard.  The presence of emotions causes my cells to vibrate at a lower frequency.  My body literally prepares itself to absorb the emotions that have entered the atmosphere.  I very easily cross from observing to absorbing.  Where I went astray is that I believed the wrong messages.  I believed that my empath personality was a burden and had no place in this world.  Since I was told as a child that expressing any emotions was “too much,” I taught myself how to flee.  I believed that being in the presence of emotion was unsafe. I was shown that expressing emotion was negative and I was not taught how to express myself in a healthy way.  Now I am working hard to reteach myself that emotions are safe and it is okay to feel.  In fact, it is human to feel!  I am learning that just because I give myself space to absorb does not mean they will stay with me if I learn how to properly release.  The world needs more softness and I was made to give soft.  Absorbing will not break me.  It is the running that has broken me.  The running has caused me to hide my authentic self.  But absorbing?  It awakens the person I have hidden.  It fuels my purpose.  I need that fire to live and keep living.