Three Simple Words

            Three simple words, yet so hard to say.  They hang like weights off my tongue.  It feels like thick plaster is covering my voice box.  Feeling voiceless is nothing new, but this time it feels like permanent damage will be done.  Three simple words, yet I am rendered powerless to utter them.  Three simple words and yet they have become a lump of coal in my throat.  Three simple words, yet I replace them with something easier to say like “I love you.”  Three simple words yet I fear if I utter them I will lose my strength like Sampson did when Delilah cut off his hair.  These three simple words shouldn’t be so difficult but when placed together they are solid like cement.  Three simple words, yet is it better to choke on them than to let my cover be blown.  These three simple words? I. AM.  STRUGGLING!  I am. I am struggling.  But it is not the kind of struggle you can see.  I appear to be functioning yet when I am still the tears threaten to spill over.  I see where I want to go, but getting there seems daunting.  I feel like I may be a little too broken for the task at hand.  I may be a little too sensitive.  Maybe just a little to everything.  But then I hear a still small voice of God say, “that is exactly how I want you.”